Foxy Critique - Fairytale Apocalypse by Jacqueline Patricks

Hello everyone, this week’s blog is covering Fairytale Apocalypse by Jacqueline Patricks. Remember that my twaddle clause is in effect. Anything I say can and probably will be complete and utter twaddle. This critique is solely about the contents of the book and does not reflect my opinions on the author. Warning: This critique will contain spoilers. You have been warned.

Fairytale Apocalypse is a unique story that revolves around three individuals: a pair of twins and the Lord of the Verge, a Fae nobleman. One of the twins manages to enter into the Verge (Faerie world) being guided by the voice of the goddess Danu. She informs the lord that she is destined to be Lady of the Verge, and thus, is to be married to him. Her protective sister, on the other hand, also finds her way into the Verge in hopes of “rescuing” her sister. After getting her sister back and stopping the engagement, a cataclysmic magical event turns the mortal world into a barren wasteland, mad max/walking dead style. The rest of the book then focuses on finding a way to restore the world back to its original state.

I give this book a Silver score of 3.25/5.  

Now you may be asking yourself, ‘Why are you putting the book’s score at the beginning of the critique?’ Well, ask no longer. This book upsets me. Greatly. Like it rocks my very foundations to the core. Words can never be enough to express how much I wanted to flip my desk after reading the last page. Even still, I would recommend this book, if only so it will upset someone else so I can express my rage over it actively. That being said, while my criticisms may seem mostly negative, bear in mind that these are more for personal reasons than an analysis of the book’s technical contents.

Category 1: Literary Value

Literary value can be summed up as artistic expression and impact. Does the book challenge or reinforce important ideals? If it were a painting, would you hang it on a wall? Is it the sort of book you would leave on the coffee table to spark conversation or is it the sort you keep tucked with the rest of your collection?

This book is well written. I’ve said it, I’ve done my peace, now I can get to the meat and potatoes of it. Firstly, the level of description is crazy. I’d even go so far as to say it’s over the top to the point where it feels forced.

The story is original, and does a good job of blending the post apocalyptic genre with the high fantasy genre. The elements are well thought and the technique is more or less sound. There isn’t really much else I can say about it other than that.

In terms of Literary Value, I give this book a 4/5.

Category 2: Plot

Plot is the overarching story of the book and can be measured in terms of originality, entertainment value, and its ability to hook me in. A book with a high rating will be hard for me to put down, uses creative elements that aren’t cliche, and make me genuinely interested in what will happen to the characters next.

-deep breath- The story of this book is original. You don’t often see post apocalyptic combined with the surrealness of high fantasy, but the author does it well. The problem comes in when she tries to inject the romance.

Now, bear in mind, I am a romantic at heart. Truly, I am. I believe in soul mates and true love, and all that jazz. Romance/Fantasy is what I love, what I write, and what I know more than any other genre. Because of that, I typically come down harder on other writers of my genre. It’s sort of like two competing athletes. You can look at the other one and acknowledge their skill, but you’d be damned if you don’t criticize them for their every mistake.

That being said, the romance needs work. The best way I can think to explain it is like this: imagine if Beauty and the Beast had Belle and the Beast as twins. Belle, is madly in love with Gaston, but the Beast knows he’s an asshole. Now imagine if in the course of twenty four hours, the Beast changes his mind and ends up getting hitched with Gaston. Congratulations, you now understand the love triangle of this book.

In seriousness, the pacing is the plot’s glaring flaw. It feels like the book could be split completely in two, and it’s very irritating how clear cut the divide is. The problem I have is that the characters in the second half of the book shatter any preconceived notions you may have about them from the first half of the book, and not in a good way. I’ll get to that more in the Characterization segment.

Originality, I fear, isn’t enough to excuse the painful lack of karma that you want to see come of the characters. Get used to those disney analogies by the way, because they’re far from over.

In terms of plot, I give this book 3/5.

Category 3: Characterization

Characterization is measured in the quality of the characters found in the book. If you’ve read my previous blog posts, you’ll know that a character does not necessarily have to be a person. Good characterization shows depth, originality, adherence, and relatability. Note, a character can be a “bad guy” but be a good character. If you make me hate your villain, in terms of his character, then you’ve done your job well.

Alright, another deep breath. Here I go. This is going to be painful for all of us. Painful for me to go back over it, painful for the author reading it, and painful for the readers in that it’s going to mostly be me ranting.

I hate the characters. That’s all there is to it, I hate them. I only found myself able to relate to two characters in the story, and one of them dies and the other marries an asshole. So let’s do a basic breakdown of who they are and why I hate them.

Lauren (aka Laurie) is one of the story’s main protagonist. Specifically, she is the sister who is so overly eager to go to the Fae to escape her “horrible” twin. Lauren has what I like to call “singing gargoyle syndrome.” Ready for those disney references? So, “singing gargoyle syndrome” is the idea that a character who (while having slight importance to the story) has mannerisms that would be considered cute or endearing...in small doses.

Specifically, it gets its name from the Hunchback of Notre Dame (hands down, my favorite disney movie). I absolutely love the story, except for those damned singing gargoyles. Yes, they help Quasimoto, yes, they give him wonderful advice and push the story along, but their antics completely ruin the mood of the situation! When he’s alone and hurting, that is not the place in the story for an overly ecstatic musical number.

But I’m not reviewing hunchback, I’m reviewing Fairytale Apocalypse, so what does this have to do with anything? Well, simply put, Laurie is a wrecker of everything. She’s overly cheerful, teasing, wild, crazy, and above all stupid as dirt. Now, I’m a cheerful upbeat guy normally, but this girl runs around like she just did a boatload of crack.

But it gets worse. Laurie proves time and time again, that she’s as selfish as they come. All she really wants is power and authority to get out from under her tyranical twin (who is actually just making sure she doesn’t get into trouble).

Kagan Dunvall is an asshole. I’m sorry, but he is. Aside from shoving his weapon in damn near everyone’s face upon first meeting them (you’d think a nobleman would have more manners), all he ever really does is abuse those around them. The way he treats Lauren is the way a domestic abuser would treat their spouse, and despite all his talk about honor, he shows on multiple occassions that he doesn’t really stick to it well. Case in point: he won’t have willing sex with a sixteen year old girl. Okay, that makes sense. Good on you. However, he has no problems at all with the idea of murdering her unarmed twin sister. He even attacks her from behind. Like a dick.

But no, there’s more. Being a Fae, he’s constantly looking down on mortals and mocks them as weak and stupid in a superior-to-thou attitude. Needless to say, I am not a fan of him. Which makes the ending all that much more frustrating for me. But I’ll get to that with our next character.

Tessa is Lauren’s twin sister (and my favorite). Throughout the first half of the book she displays intelligence, reasoning, compassion, and most of all, it’s obvious she really cares for her sister. When Lauren first goes to the Verge, Tessa follows after solely to protect her.

Unfortunately for her, Danu doesn’t seem to smile as favorably upon her as she did Lauren, considering she seems to bump into every horrible threat in the Verge, only to just barely escape by the skin of her teeth due to her wits, her will power, or in some cases extreme amounts of luck.

In my opinion, Tessa is one of the only decent characters in the book. She goes to get her sister, who she’s convinced is in danger, only to  basically get the crap kicked out of her on the way through the castle until finally, she makes it to the ceremony and stops it (Good! Lauren’s 16! She doesn’t need to be marrying a centuries old asshole anyway!)

Anyway, after getting slashed by Kagan’s magical talking sword, it seemingly dies and her and her sister teleport back to their house where a month has passed over the course of a day. Then the apocalypse strikes, their parents die and everything goes to hell. Blaming Kagan for this (I mean, who else will she blame), Tessa vows hatred upon him.

Skip six years later (two days for Kagan)...

They live in an old military fort fighting against hollows (zombies) and rovers (raiders). Kagan manages to follow Lauren with his magical fiance gps when Tess finds him. Some stuff happens, Lauren gets captured (being the never-ending damsel in the story), and Tess has to swallow her grudge with Kagan to go save her twin.

Now this is where I take the issue. Over the course of two days...Tess drops her six year grudge, not only finds him tolerable (despite that he’s STILL an asshole), but then falls in love with him because crazy elven bdsm pheremones. Okay, so the last part is something I made up, but it’s basically just ‘magic’ that brings them together.

They find Lauren, Lauren still wants to marry Kagan, finds out Tess is interested and shoves her down, telling her to basically screw off because Kagan belongs to her. One Danu-ex-machina later, Lauren is Lady of the Verge, Kagan gives up his throne, and he marries Tess. Oh and believe me it reeeeally grinds my gears.

Simply put, Tessa should know better. She’s smarter than that. She’s seen, first hand, the jerk that Kagan is. And believe me a six year long grudge against a guy who tried to kill you doesn’t break in a day, magic be damned. In my personal opinion, Kagan doesn’t deserve her and she deserves better.

However, there is one more character I have to throw in as an honorable mention. Cenia is Lauren’s lesbian lover. For the six years that Kagan was gone, Lauren has sworn off men (as Danu told her to), so finding a loophole, she gets with this girl. Cenia, like Tess, quickly earns my favor. She loves Laurie. Like, genuine sacrifice-myself-for-you love. Even still, she is (again, like Tess) constantly thrown under the bus.

Literally, the same day Lauren agrees for them to be an actual couple, she straight up dumps her to go running back to Kagan when he shows up. Obviously, the girl is heart broken, and immediately she sees through Kagan’s bullshit. He doesn’t love her, and she knows it, and she even calls him out on it. He’s too much of an asshole to even deny that he doesn’t love her.

Well, when Lauren decides she’s going to make up for the last six years by marrying the asshole the next day anyway, Cenia makes an agreement with the Rovers. She lets them do a quick raid while everyone is distracted, take some people, and in exchange, Lauren stays unharmed and the two escape into the Wastes (desert).

Naturally, this backfires. After they beat and rape Lauren (yeah, it gets dark quick), Cenia is pissed that they went back on their deal. Cue Kagan and Tessa showing up. After a bloody and murderous game of tag, Kagan and Tessa make out and Kagan gets back his super powerful magic, and works to kill the entire army around them...where Cenia and Lauren happen to be. Cenia dies by leaping onto Lauren and shielding her with her body to keep her alive from Kagan’s magic. (Again, total asshole.)

Now, despite my rather long rant, the characters are pretty well developed. They each have their personalities and are well designed, but the only problem is they either A)Break character too often or B) Are just plain unlikable.

Now, I loved Tessa as a character, as I explained earlier, but when Kagan comes in the second half of the book, everything I loved about her just seemed to disappear. She stopped being the brave, independent, headstrong protector of her little sister. She turned into a weak, sniveling, grumpy girl. When her and Kagan finally get together, he dominates her completely, which is a complete atrocity to her character and potential.

In Characterization, I give this story a 2/5.

Category 4: World Building/Setting:

I already gave props earlier for Ms. Patricks’ creativity and originality in combining the post apocalyptic genre with high fantasy. It was obvious she put a great amount of detail into the story, and she did a pretty good job of fleshing out everything needed without going into a big info dump (one of the most common pitfalls of a fantasy writer).

However, at times it felt as if it swung too far the other way. Despite all of her physical description, I found myself overwhelmed more by all the terminology and technicality of the Verge and its mechanics. It’s mentioned that Danu is one of many Fae gods, but her name is literally the only one ever mentioned. A sylph in the story (who claims she’s not very threatening compared to what else is in the Verge) kills a hag which according to Kagan later is basically the boogey man of the Verge. All in all, a lot of it feels disconnected or just thrown in for the heck of it.

It’s my understanding the author writes primarily short stories, and to be honest, it shows in her segways and transitions. Even still, I found myself interested and entranced by the swords and sorcery of the world, and because of that, I’m willing to give her a pretty high score.

For World Building/Setting, I give this story a 4/5.

Now let’s go back to the start for a moment. The story gets a 3.25/5 but I gave over a page of reasons for why I hated the book? It just doesn’t make sense, right? Well, I don’t really hate the book. It was an entertaining read and I did enjoy the time I spent reading it. Many of the events and characters severely pissed me off (at one point I was ready to punch a hole through my wall in frustration). But I could say the same thing about Game of Thrones and Harry Potter.

When you get attached to a character and that character gets killed off in an otherwise humiliating way (Sirius falls behind a curtain and dies. I mean, c’mon) it hurts. But the only thing that hurts more than that for me is seeing a character you really love and respect losing all the things that make them great and winding up with a character you just can’t stand.

Once again, I give this book a silver rating of 3.25/5.

I recommend you pick it up if you’re a fan of high fantasy and are looking for something different. If you’re a heavy-hearted romantic like myself who becomes a little too attached to characters in the story, I caution you before picking it up. I’m not going to say not to read it, but if you do, prepare for for a week of cursing, throwing the book across the room, and overall grumpiness.

You can buy Fairytale Apocalypse by Jacqueline Patricks here.
Remember to leave a review if you do read it. Thank you all for your support. 

Foxy Critique: The Adventures of Miss Vulpe - Maria Elena Sandovici

Hello everyone, welcome to Foxy Critique. Today I will be critiquing the novel The Adventures of Miss Vulpe by Maria Elena Sandovici. As usual, I will provide you with my twaddle warning: that any thing I say is expressly my opinion and as such it is up to you, the readers, whether or not to take what I say as complete and utter twaddle. They do not reflect my view on the writer themselves, but on the content within. There are potential spoilers in this critique, you have been warned. 

The Adventures of Miss Vulpe is the story of teen rebel Ana whose parents both died in a double suicide. After her Grandmother passed, she found herself under the guardianship of her mother's first husband who she despises with a passion. Vowing to make his life miserable, she rebels against every school he puts her in.  Returning to her childhood home, she's now out to solve the mystery of her parents' death and prove that she's an adult to her new lover. 

Category 1: Literary Value
Literary value can be summed up as artistic expression and impact. Does the book challenge or reinforce important ideals? If it were a painting, would you hang it on a wall? Is it the sort of book you would leave on the coffee table to spark conversation or is it the sort you keep tucked with the rest of your collection?

The "coming of age" story is one that's been done quite a bit, but if done correctly it can be the difference between cliche and exceptional. The Adventures of Miss Vulpe falls somewhere in the middle. 

Conceptually, the story is there, but the execution falls a little flat, especially when it comes to Ana maturing over the course of the story. I'll get more into that later. Continuing on, the thing that stuck out to me first in the story is that a majority of it is written in present tense. At first, I found it difficult to read because of this, but eventually I became well enough adjusted that it didn't bother me too greatly. 

Typically, the problem I had with the story was that it felt rushed. It was a swift read, but it wasn't because I found it to be a page turner, but more that it flew by. Not to mention that the story was divided between present day and the past of Rogers and Richard, Ana's half was cut even shorter. 

In terms of Literary Value, I give this book a 3/5. 

Category 2: Plot

Plot is the overarching story of the book and can be measured in terms of originality, entertainment value, and it's ability to hook me in. A book with a high rating will be hard for me to put down, uses creative elements that aren't cliche, and make me genuinely interested in what will happen to the characters next. 

The plot was intriguing to say the least...well, in a sense. I found myself more interested in the death of the parents more so than any interactions between Ana and the other characters. The chapters with her and Richard where she wanted to find out more stuff but kept backing out of the questions were agonizing! 

The story had a very J. D. Salinger (aka the man who wrote Catcher in the Rye) feel to it. I couldn't find much of a connection with it because of a lack of adventure or excitement. It was a little bland, to be honest. 

The biggest problem however, is that the central struggle of the plot (Ana keeping her identity secret from Richard because of her young age) was rendered moot simply from a lack of research. The story puts heavy emphasis on the fact that Ana is 16, and that she's stuck between girlhood and womanhood, desperately wanting to be a woman, but too fearful to abandon her childish tendencies. When Richard finally finds out, they get into a huge argument and at one point he fears he'd be imprisoned for statutory rape. Within this lies the problem. 

The story takes place in Romania, but the legal age of consent in Romania is 15. That being said, the conflict is pretty much unnecessary, at least in regards to her age. Her identity, however, should have been made more of a priority.

Even still, it was cohesive and well planned. I enjoyed the sections where it went into the pass of Richard and Rogers, and I'd have liked to see more of their past instead of the info dump Richard lays on her in the end. 

In terms of Plot, I give this story a 3/5. 

Category three: Characterization
Characterization is measured in the quality of characters found in the book. If you've read my previous blog posts, you'll know that a character does not necessarily have to be a person. Good characterization shows depth, originality, adherence, and relatability. Note a character can be a "bad guy" but be a good character. If you make me hate your villain, in terms of his character, then you've done your job well.

I always hate having to give negative feedback for characters, but as much as I wanted to connect with Ana, she and I, I fear, are not compatible. Ana is what some of us in the literary word call a "mary sue". That is to say that as a character, she's practically free of consequences for her actions. 

Throughout the course of the story, Ana does some pretty messed up things. From selling bayleaves and baking soda to students (by tricking them into thinking its marijuana and cocaine), to stealing pretty much anything in arm's reach, she never gets any recompense other than an eye roll or a lecture. 

The worst part of it is, she seems to do it for absolutely no reason. She does it to torment Rogers, but it isn't until the very end that she ever stops once to consider why she should torment him. Her personality is very two dimensional. She's a rebel. That summarizes her up completely, and she hardly progresses at all. 

While her mother is dead by the start of the story and she says she loves her dearly, there isn't much in the way of showing it. She cries a few times, but it lacks the oomph to earn my sympathy. A lot of the problems she faces are from her own immaturity, and simply put, she made her bed, so I'm content to let her lay in it. 

Richard and Rogers were semi-interesting, but again, their personalities were flat. Richard is a wealthy womanizer, Rogers is a well-meaning introvert. None of the characters really "change" over the story. Ana's transformation from child to adult...honestly just makes her seem more immature. 

In terms of Characterization, I give this book a rating of 2/5. 

Category 4: World Building/Setting
World Building and Setting are a judgment of the scenery behind the characters. How interested am I in the background events. Did the author go into great detail about the world they live in or did they keep the scope narrow. If I close my eyes, can I picture myself in a world that's cinematic, or does it come off like the scribbles of a toddler?

There was a lot of telling of locations, but little showing. The scenery and depiction of the people in Louisiana was wonderfully done, but the scenes elsewhere: Romania, Switzerland, Spain... all of them depicted...well, nothing. There was no description of scenery, no cultural difference in behavior, nothing. At first, I thought they were in America, until Ana explained Rogers spoke terrible Romanian when he was trying to have a conversation with their cab driver.

As I mentioned in the category 'Plot' there didn't feel like much research went into the story. The scenery falls a little flat, like the characters. I want to be able to feel myself there. I want to experience the world through the characters, but I can't do that if I don't know what the world is like around them. 

In terms of World Building/Setting, I give the book a rating of 2/5. 

Over all, The Adventures of Miss Vulpe receives a Bronze rating of 2.5/5. 

All in all, the story wasn't bad. It had a beginning, middle, and end. When it was over, I felt satisfied that the things that piqued my interest had been resolved, but it still left me wanting more. My biggest struggle to overcome was Ana. As someone who has been in a similar boat that she's in, it pushes hard on my nerves that she never learns her lesson. Even when she makes peace with Rogers and stops stealing things, she's still the same old spoiled brat. The source of the problem isn't solved, and while I can appreciate that she's sort of working on it, the fact that everyone has forgiven her seems a bit too convenient. 

She says at one point that "idiocy is more unattractive than a missing eye or buck teeth", which normally I'd agree with...which is why it's ironic that she's so unintelligent. True, she's a child, but her naivety and foolishness aren't the endearing ones that you come to experience from young men and women. It's not cute, it's just frustrating. 

While I wouldn't rant and rave about this book to my friends, or try to push it on to fellow readers, I also wouldn't actively discourage people against reading it. I'm sure there's someone out there who enjoys it, and that's okay. However, from a critical perspective, it could use a bit more work and polish. 

You can buy the book on amazon here.
If you do enjoy the book, please be sure to leave a review for the author. They help more than you realize. 

Setting the Scene

Setting a Scene

Hello everyone! Today we’re going to go over what it means to set up a scene. As usual, we’ll start with our typical ‘What is a scene?’ rhetoric. A scene is a brief piece of a story that remains in the same setting in regards to time, location, and character’s involved. That’s a tad bit too technical, so I’ll see if I can explain it a bit more simply.

A scene is well… a scene. When you watch a movie, any sort of portion of it where something memorable happens is a scene. Often the scene changes when there is a cut from one location to the other, however that’s not what this blog post is going to be about. No, in this we’re going to talk about setting up the mood of a scene. Typically this involves dialogue, environment, and character interaction to a very fine degree to ensure that readers understand the overall tone of what you, as the writer, are trying to provide.

Now, if you read part 2 of Fighting and F*cking, the post about physical interaction in regards to those of a more *ahem* adult nature, you may have been a bit disturbed by one of the examples that I provided in the section, particularly the graphic scene taken from A Kat and Her Man. One of the worst parts about being a well-known fan fiction author is that people come to expect a certain tone from you and when you step out of that tone...well it can cause them some concern or anxiety.

Why do I bring this up? Well, when it comes to setting up a scene, if done improperly it can cause backlash from your readers (as mine did for me. Seriously, you don’t want to know the amount of angry fan mail I’ve had to explain myself to.)

‘‘As writers we can’t please everyone, so why else is setting a scene important?’’ Well, it’s important to also improve your ‘showing not telling’ skills.

A writer’s greatest skill is being able to invoke emotions with little more than the arrangement of words. But how does that work? Why is it that words, music, and images manage to stir up something deep within us? No clue. Seriously, science doesn’t know why. We assign meanings to noises and sounds and sights, we have no idea why it happens.

So let’s start with the first things we set forth: dialogue. Dialogue, unlike communication in real life, is all based on verbal communication. As realistic as we try to make it, it’s important to understand that when writing dialogue we are far from realistic. Human speech is far too difficult to emulate, when a variety of facial expressions, body tones, and even just a general ‘attitude’ of a person is a major factor. They say in real life communication is about 90% nonverbal and 10% spoken, not including tone of voice.

So what do we do then? It’d take hours just to write out every reflexive twitch of a muscle in a person’s face, or explaining the exact posture they’re taking, or going into the pitch and timbre of their tone. So we simplify. I mean, we simplify the absolute shit out of it. A majority of these things we toss out of the window like it was garbage on a hot day.

Dialogue, when we’re using it to set a scene, is all about word usage. Not just in what they say, but what we use in dialogue tags. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a dialogue tag is the small piece that we put after the quote, the most basic of which is, ‘he said’. But we’re writers. We don’t do basic. We paint pictures with words damn it, and ‘said’ paints nothing but the concept that people’s mouths are moving and sound is coming out.

Now don’t get me wrong. Like every word, ‘said’ has its place among our vocabulary just as any other word does. But if there’s a word that is criminally overused, it is certainly ‘said’. So advice, the first when writing dialogue: find the right word to describe speech.

Using the correct dialogue tag can easily mean the difference between people rolling their eyes and bawling them out. And there are THOUSANDS of them. I mean it. It’d take a really long time for me to list them all. What’s important is that when you’re finding these words you make sure they mean exactly what you want them to. Take for example that your character is angry. You can use howled, growled, hissed, shouted, bellowed, roared, screamed, seethed, and many many others.

Each one of those conveys a feeling of anger, but even still, they all mean something different. When someone is seething, their voice carries a tone of anger, but at the same time it is of a normal volume, and typically flat. It’s the show that a normally calm character may have reached the point where they’re about to boil over. Or that a character who normally is loud and boisterous has gone so far into rage that it’s become a calm before the very violent storm.

Growled can be through gritted teeth. Hissed can be under their breath. Howled can be caused by pain, bellowed can be an order, etc. Be careful to choose which one fits the best, and to use it in the proper context.

Advice part two: adverbs. Often using an adverb can convey further emphasis on how you want a tone to be described. There’s a difference between whispering affectionately, for example, and whispering solemnly.

Like all things, both dialogue tags and adverbs should be used in moderation. Too few and your speech comes off as bland. Too much and your readers get tired by the constant repetition of format.

This brings us to our third bit: structure. Most of dialogue we read is written in a ‘“This is dialogue!” he said’ format. While there’s nothing wrong with this format, it’s good to mix it up. Put your tag in the middle of the sentence sometimes, or if you’re feeling brave, even before it. Or, every now and then, don’t put one at all! Often an absence in dialogue tags is meant for conversations that are brief and very back and forth.

“Are not!”

“Are too!”

“Are not!”

You get the idea.

Now that we have the basics of dialogue out of the way, let’s take a glance at environment. For those of you who are fans of the website TV Tropes, you may have heard of the trope called ‘Talking is a Free Action’. Basically, this denotes moments where a character often has a bit of dialogue far longer than the action they are actually performing. I.e. giving a speech while mid leap in the air.

This is how environment comes into play for a scene. Think of where the characters are and what they’re doing while they are in the scene. It’s perfectly okay for the good guy and bad guy to banter while on top of a speeding train. But perhaps the bad guy’s life story is better suited for conversation elsewhere.

Likewise, it’d be silly for two bitter rivals to discuss dinner plans with swords locked against one another in a duel to the death. Scene setting requires timing and awareness of location. Now does this mean you can’t break that timing or put them in an awkward conversation? Of course not! But at the very least acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation.

Using the speeding train scenario above, imagine the bad guy begins his monologue, and then the good guy interrupts with a snarky, “Are you sure this is a good time to be having this conversation?”

I’ve used the movie before, but a good example of scene setting is The Princess Bride. Think of the banter between Wesley and Inigo when they first duel on the cliffs. Their entire conversation takes place while fighting, and while it is indeed silly, their dialogue still seems natural and entertaining.

This example also serves as a wonderful rendition of our final concept: character interaction. This is one of the most important but toughest things to pull off with dialogue. When we talk, we don’t just stand there staring straight at one another. We move, we interact with our environments, we do things! Even two people sitting in a diner, the person’s going to be stirring their coffee or eating their food between lines.

When you’re setting a scene, be sure to take a good long look at all of the moving parts involved. Make sure that you detail them as you go through it. Very similar to the physical interaction tips we’ve learned, you use description in hefty amounts to explain what the characters are doing when.

We talked earlier about how communication is 90% nonverbal. Well that 90% is resting right here, so be sure to flush it out. A character awkwardly shifting from one foot to another while confessing her love to a boy is completely different from her just walking up to him, saying it, then turning around and leaving. Keep the movements natural and fluid, avoid the robotic.

Now, unlike fighting and f*cking, you need not describe every movement made by every body part. Focus on the ones that give clues as to how the people are feeling or the tone they’re trying to convey.

Take a look at this sample. Try to imagine where the characters are and what they’re doing the entire time you’re reading. Visualize their moods and feelings on the situation as they converse.

"Calyx?" A soft voice broke the atmosphere, my right hand slipping from the bar as the world suddenly started to right itself. As my hand fell from the bar, I found myself hurtling downward, my arm outstretched in a futile attempt to redeem myself. The metal flew further and further from my grasp with each second, just before I fell into the deep pit of safety foam below me. Emerging from the cushioned pool, I cursed slamming my fist on the hard edge where I'd grabbed to hoist myself out. My eyes moving upward I found them greeted by the color of beautiful amber. She had a concerned look on her face, and I already knew what she was going to say.

"What are you doing here Lyn?" I asked, trying to hide my frustration from the tone of my voice.

"Close, but no. I'm Bakulah." She reached down, offering me her hand, but I shrugged it away before hoisting myself out of the pool. "Look, Calyx…I get that you're frustrated, but it's been almost a week. When will this end?"

"When I'm able to actually beat Yang." I growled, rising to my feet before walking towards the stairs that led back up to the high bar. "I only got a draw because I was willing to go far enough to cripple her for life. And I only did that because I wasn't strong enough to beat her any other way." I scanned the woman curiously, my eyes sharpening to focus on her. "And why do you two insist on wearing the exact same pajamas anyway?"

Bakulah scoffed. "As if it mattered. You say you're down here to become better, but you used to be able to tell my sister and I apart just from the way we breathed. You're not improving Calyx, you're getting worse. When was the last time you slept anyway?"

"None of your business." I muttered, just before she grabbed my wrist pulling me away from the stairs. I turned back to give her a fierce glare, but mine was met with one of her own.

"Wrong. You're my teammate and that makes it my business. You may be leader, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sit idly by while you destroy yourself from the inside out." She took a deep breath. "When did you last sleep?" I frowned, turning away from her piercing gaze to mumble under my breath. "I'm sorry?"

"I said…two and a half days." My voice this time rose to the volume of a whisper. Bakulah sighed, cutting between me and the stairs. As she sat on the platform, she crossed one leg over the other in a stereotypical lady-like fashion.

"Yeah, that's the end of this. I'm deeming you unfit for work until you've at least had a decent night's rest. Come on, let's go." A low growl escaped my throat as I walked towards her, ready to push her out of my way but she just stayed put, her icy stare daring me to try to get past.

"What do you care anyway? You don't even like me."

"I never said that."

"Bullshit."

"I haven't. I never said I didn't like you."

My eyes glimmered defiantly. "Bakulah…get out of my way, I need to train more." She let out a sigh before rising to her feet and stepping aside. "Thank you." I huffed before strutting towards the stairs. Just as I got there, Baku's arm flew out quickly, catching me hard in the chest and knocking me off my feet and into the cushioned ground.

"Did you really think I was going to just let you past?" She asked, a smug grin on her face. "Honestly, you're always so dense."

"Shut up." I snapped, "Now is not the time to start with me." Curling my abdominal muscles, I threw myself back on to my feet, only to receive another harsh clothesline from Lyn's twin.

"Don't you get it moron. Your body isn't able to handle the strain you're putting on it. You're exhausted and it's messing with your head and making you weaker."

Growling at her, I quickly rolled over, kicking out at her shin to sweep her off her feet, but she just raised her leg, avoiding the attack easily. "Then I guess I'll just have to train harder."

"I swear do you even listen to yourself talk? You sometimes say some really stupid stuff. I tell you you're exhausted, your response is to push yourself even more? This is why I'm always telling you you're an idiot, idiot." She smugly managed to land a hook kick to the side of my head, tugging me off balance to slam me hard into the ground.

I reached to push myself off the ground, but I was interrupted by the sudden weight of her foot on my back, shoving back on to the mat. "Alright so I can't force my way past you…" I sighed. "But why do you honestly care so much? You wanted to be leader, well fine. You're obviously better than me, so why don't you just take it?"

"You wish it was that simple. Believe me, I would love to take the leader position. But sis, Traiko, even Ozpin all back you up 100% because they're cock sure that you've got some amazing leadership skills tucked away in that tiny little head of yours. But if you want my opinion, I don't think you have the balls to be a leader. Oh sure, you're all up for grabbing glory. But you lose one fight and it causes you to go on this little 'oh woe is me' path? Give me a break." My tail wrapped around her ankle as I turned quickly, pulling her to the mat next to me.

"Shut up!" I snapped. "You think you're so great? Ha! The only friend you have is your sister, and I'm pretty sure that relationship is only obligatory anyway. No one even likes you Bakulah, so don't try to lecture me on how I should act."

Flames erupted in her eyes as she grabbed my wrist, twisting it hard and forcing my tail to release from her foot. She bent it hard pressing against my shoulder to force me face first on to the mat, pinning me there as she leaned closer from behind me. "Now you listen to me you arrogant son of a bitch. I don't care what you think about me. I don't care if I have friends or not. I care about one person only and that's my sister. I came here to try to help you because I know it'd break her heart if she found out you were so hung up on this Yang chick. Right now, you're about two seconds from me storming out of here after leaving you with a black eye so you can go back to killing yourself. You need to get your head on straight and think about what's really important to you: Winning some stupid fight or keeping the only friends you've ever had around you. I may not have many friends, but you're lucky to even have me." Her voice was cold and soft, barely louder than a whisper but with the impact she may as well have been screaming it. I felt her hand come loose from mine as I rolled over to look up at her. Her brown eyes were watering, as though she were trying to hold back some tears that just refused to bend to her will. Blinking, she looked away from me and stood up to leave.

"Baku…wait." I called after her, making her pause and take a deep breath. I could see her clinching her fists tight, and so I decided I'd choose my words very carefully. "Baku…I need your help." If look could kill, I was certain that her gaze would have been as effective as a mortar shell to my face from point blank.

"Don't you dare…" she began, walking back towards me.

"I'm serious. Please." I whispered, before her hand reached down and snagged on to the undershirt I was wearing and pulling me to my feet.

"Listen good Cal, your little doe-eyed trick may work on my sister, but it will not work at me. You may think you can give me some cute smile and try to brush this whole argument off, but there isn't a snowball's chance in hell that I'm going to let you lie through your teeth to get off the hook."

Grammar problems aside (it was an old piece of work), did you find anything that helped glean clues or feelings that characters have towards the other? Even without the context, can you find the purpose and meaning within the conversation?

These are the things you have to focus on when you’re writing a scene.

Now for the exercise: write a mundane conversation between two characters. Maybe have a husband and wife discussing meal plans, or a brother telling his mother what he wants for his birthday. Try to focus on the subtleties that betray their inner thoughts and feelings on the subject, as well as what they’re doing to interact outside of the conversation itself.

Good luck! I wish you the best in life and literature,

-Kiba